Tears

They say
a picture is worth 1000 words.
I'm a poet, words come easy
tell me their worth in tears?
Memories have attached themselves to my photos.
Some are filled with joy and laughter,
but most are of abuse, miscarriage, war, death, divorce, and abandonment.
I try to sleep to escape these memories
but they are most vivid behind closed eyes.
I wake only to find salty, soiled pillowcases,
so I avoid sleep at all costs.
Instead of counting sheep, I count tears.
One for every memory.
My first memory that I can remember crying over was when I was 8.
She left me despite the tears I cried for her.
Neither me nor my tears were 80 proof
so we were of no value to her.
I hope you can begin to see my dilema.
I am tired and would really like to get some sleep.
30 years is a long time to cry over a memory.
I pray that you can help me.
I don't want your sympathy nor do I want you to cry with me.
Just tell me how many tears should I cry
so I can move on and be free.
These memories don't care about elegant words.
They want my tears.
Please tell me when it's ok for me to stop
without guilt for not giving enough.
I used to believe that there was power in tears.
If I cried them hard enough,
I could undo that for which I cried.
I was a foolish child.
I have cried for so long that I honestly do not know their purpose anymore.
Now that I think about it,
don't worry about the photo or the memory,
just give me back my sanity.
How much exactly are my tears worth?